Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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