i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
