it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
