I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
try to milk me bitch
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