Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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