Define "chronic" masturbator.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
