I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
