he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
