My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize