True but thats because hes a fetus.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
