If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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