Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize