last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize