Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Duck Duck Cougar?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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