Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
