I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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