Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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