I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
