well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
