hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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