took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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