i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize