the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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