I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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