Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
