Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize