why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
