Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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