He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
