She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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