end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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