I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
