hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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