the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
