don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
