last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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