I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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