if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everclear isn't food dammit
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
