I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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