Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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