Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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