ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
