I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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