Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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