at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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