The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize