I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am one with the molecules
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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