I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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