Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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