hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
