i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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