i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
