What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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