You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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