I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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