You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
