Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
