We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
