You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Quick, to the slutcave!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
