I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
