Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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