Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
