After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
