New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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