she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
