i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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