I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
