She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
