I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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