I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
