you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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