R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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