He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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