I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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