Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I want a musical about memes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
