How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
