Don't make out with my wife yet
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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