The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
