ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
