So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
