pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize