I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
