One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
