My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize