We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
