i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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