I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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