Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
