Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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