Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
