Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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