then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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