Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
