what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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