and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
