there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
