they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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