Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I am morally bankrupt
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
