Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
