dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need a beard to bite.
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