I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
