I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
