You work out of a Hotel?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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