I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
