He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
